At least now I have a shoulder to cry on... literally

There are many things I love about my darling partner, but one of the biggest is his ability to reality check me gently yet forcefully.

I had a bad day today. Yet another Tupperware party got canceled. This means that EVERY. SINGLE. PARTY. I have independently scheduled has been canceled, postponed, or turned into a book party. All of them. My prospective host said that she would offer the info at her girl's night on Friday, but did not extend an invitation to me. I will see her tomorrow and ask about it, but I also do not want to intrude or turn her already planned night into my shtick. I would love to make the Oreo Mousse though. I have another "Party in a Bag" going out tomorrow for a dear friend of mine who wants to help me, but is reasonably non committal as she is going through some life stuff. I want to make my $175 this week. I wanted to do $600 last week, even though that was ridiculous. I did $29. So. Yeah. Feeling like a failure. And no, I don't care what anyone tells me about blah blah this that you're doing everything right/enough/working hard, or even the opposite don't listen to "standard" marketers blah blah blah. This is failing. It is failing. I am not making any money and I do not know what to do about it. It is me. There is something about me that people do not like. Again, do not tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm party of an organization full of women who are able to make these simple goals. I realize they struggle too sometimes, but for the amount of effort I am putting in, there should be something. I've had one good month, no thanks to me. Thanks to my amazing older sister who did me a supreme solid. But not to me. I barely did anything. And I am breaking down. Shutting down. I can't do this like this anymore. I need a fucking break. I want to stick with it, but I don't know how much longer I can take the defeat. I put so much out there so often, and I get maybe one or two bites at most, but nothing substantial or sustainable. If I can't get parties, I can't get more parties or recruits. So... no income. What is the point? And again, I look at all these ladies around me, and I just don't get what is so wrong with me that I can't make it happen like they do. I must be the most unattractive person on the planet. Oh well.

And that's just Tupperware. doTERRA is different. I know exactly what I'm not doing right there. I don't talk about it enough. But... every time I do, I just feel like a sales person rather than someone who truly wants to help others be well. I just don't know how to put myself out there without coming off as a snake oil pitcher and actually get any customers or team members. Again. It's me. But here I know what it is, and I just have to keep working at it.

I didn't want to have to do unemployment this off season, but it's looking more and more like I will. My family has been incredibly gracious and given me some money upfront. This has been set aside. It is about half of what I need. And how much have I come up with on my own? About 10% of that. So yeah... 4 months- 5%. Fail. Fail fail fail.

We have one more month of WIC, and then... I don't know... Debt I didn't really want to incur, but otherwise I literally won't eat, or well.. I will eat very little. Which I may do anyway to not have to put so much on cards. But under no circumstances will I let Char feel it. She will get whatever she needs, obviously. I just wish I could offer her more than that.

When I related all of this to Ed earlier, he told me I was overreacting and to stop putting myself so far into the future. I guess he is right. But it's hard to see it that way. I'm a planner. I want to know what is happening a month from now. I want to be able to lay out my schedule 2-3 months in advance. That is a huge part of my problem right now. I don't even know what my work schedule for next week is, and it's Sunday. I know I work Tuesday, but I'm not sure when exactly. AND THIS IS KILLING ME. Both from a personal point of view and a business point of view. How can I fill my gaps if I don't know what they are? Though... right now... it doesn't feel like it would matter, because I don't have anyone to even ask to have a party. The upside to doTERRA is I can do a class whenever I feel like and don't have to rely on anyone else. I suppose I could do my own Tupperware party whenever, but it's not the same. There is no real incentive to do that as again, it would be the same people over and over, and that is not sustainable.

I took one of those stupid online tests today about privilege and it deemed me "very privileged". However there were no questions about welfare, or solo parenting, or being lower middle class, which in this country is a sort of pergatory. Make too much to qualify for aid but not enough to live sustainably. Or I guess I should say consistently. And I refuse to "use" or maybe "abuse" the system. We get what we need when we are eligible and that is all. If I could figure out how to get things going we wouldn't need it at all.

I knew that being an only parent would mean finding other sources of income, or ways to make my money stretch farther, I just did not expect it to be quite this hard. Please don't tell me to budget better. You should see the spread sheet I have. It's not a cash flow issue, it's an income issue. Yes those are two different things. With the job I currently have, there is no way to get a second "regular" job. I also don't want to spend anymore time away from my baby than I already do. That is why these opportunities were perfect. And they still are. I just need to find the kink in the hose and straighten it out to get the spicket flowing.

April 11th Sales Special

Hoping to boost this to make my $600 goal by Friday!!!

For Every Order Placed On or Before April 11^th, You Will Be Entered Into a Drawing For:

$25 Tupperware, $50 Tupperware, ½ Off Items, Free Shipping, 10% Off, 25% Off

AND Date A Party This Week, Receive a FREE GIFT and 10% Off!!

Order from Weekly Flyer (see below), Mid March Brochure, or Full Line Catalog (can be seen at my2.tupperware.com/mariachunn, DO NOT order online to enter drawing)

Contact Maria Chunn to Order: 541 621 0772 or mariachunn.ipc@gmail.com

Supporting our future

Last night we had a very informative meeting about childcare in the work place. A group of parents at my place of business are banding together under the guidance of the amazing Myfawny to try and get a better childcare situation for our company's needs. It has always baffled me, even before becoming a parent, that a company of our size, with the wide range of schedule, and that actively recruits from all over the globe, not just the local region, would NOT have some system in place to help with childcare. We don't even have a resource sheet available. There is literally NO HELP from the company, other than fellow parents sharing the knowledge they have gained through independent research.

Come the fuck on.

Every department has people with children. And in today's society, almost all home have two working parents (or in my case one!!!). Even in the situation where there is a parent who stays home with the children, there are going to be times when childcare is needed. Bottom line: At some point, every single employee with children will need the services of a babysitter or daycare facility, why does the company have NO RESOURCES for this?

I'm not even talking about the grand dream of company assistance or even better an on-site childcare facility. I'm talking about starting with a damn piece of paper and an established relationship with some local care providers. One of the ideas brought up at the meeting was finding providers who would give a discount to our employees, like many of the other businesses in town.

I hear all the arguments: insurance, time, money, space, and I think- yeah... but... if other businesses can do it, why can't we?? I see the biggest obstacle being the show schedules and that many of us work late at night. But, why should we all be scrambling to nail down one of the same pool of young adults that cost $10/hr to watch our kids at night. Also, why the hell does it cost so much these days?? When I babysat as a teen, I was happy to get $10-20 for the NIGHT, 3-4 hrs, not just one hour with one (probably sleeping for most of the time) kid. It kills me. Not just from a financial perspective, but from a "what is this world coming to" perspective.

For the most part, I have to admit, I am not entirely affected by this drought. I have an amazing situation for which I am incredibly thankful. However, I do need a backup plan(s) for those times when my normal care is just not available. And it does happen, and in those moments I reach a low level of panic because I have no safety net. I have no reliable resources beyond my friends. This last offseason/early season, I did find two local providers who were wonderful and I know that I can always call them in a pinch. I'm more than happy to pay for good care, and I don't often have to, but I cannot imagine having to fork over the amount of money some other parents do on a regular basis. Seriously it would be close to my ENTIRE salary if Char was in full time care at a standard facility. I just don't even know how people do it. It blows my mind that we as a community cannot find a better way to meet this basic need.

Something that was brought up at the meeting was the attitude of some non-parents. It has been said that people with children would be getting special treatment if they got childcare assistance. To those people I say: Were you never a child? Were you never in daycare? Were you always in the arms of family? Did your parents never struggle to make sure you were properly cared for? Do you like to see your friends struggle? Do you want children to see their parents stressed out? Do you not care about the well being of your company-mates and the future of our world? Have you never been aware of the wonder that children hold, how fast they can internalize the struggles of adults, and how they are immensely affected by the attitude of the community around them? Are you so selfish and self centered that you cannot see that we as an entire company and community will MAKE BETTER ART if this one burden was taken away from some of us? OPEN YOUR EYES AND YOUR HEARTS!!! Be present. Be a part of a change for the better. Be part of a brighter future for the whole community.

I want my daughter to grow up without having to worry about who is taking care of her. I want her to always feel appreciated and loved and looked after no matter where she is. I don't want to have to stress out about money or time or who is taking care of her tonight while I'm at work til 11-12-1-2-whenever. And I want everyone with children to experience the same sense of calm over their childcare situation. I know that is not the case, and I want to change that.

Opening, Discouragement, Hope, and other things

The Oregon Shakespeare Festival has officially opened its 2014 season. The Cocoanut had a fantastic opening night, including child bothering, Artistic Director lap sitting, wedding ring stealing, and much more pure comedy. A great night was followed by 3 days off. Unheard of. I'm a little out of it right now because I'm not used to all this time. We go for round 2 tomorrow. Let the improv games begin!

I've been feeling internal pressure for my Tupperware business. I'm not getting parties, which means I'm not getting sales. I think I'm picking the wrong places to hand out catalogs, as I am mainly going to businesses. They are hard to follow up with. Here in Talent it is a little easier because a few people I can talk to directly, but in Ashland I'm more anonymous. While I was lamenting exactly this yesterday, my beau pointed out that I have still be going at it, no matter what the outcome, and he thought I was doing a really job. I have been working hard at selling this weeks special promotion, and that is going fairly well, thanks to the help of my amazing big sister in California. I am ever so grateful that she has stepped up to the challenge.

At the beginning of the week, I was $200 and 2 weeks away from my first major Tupperware goal. If I can sell $200 retail value worth of product by March 8th, the company will pick up the remaining $69 owed on my business kit, which means I'll have gone into business for myself for only $30. Whoa. That being said... I've already bought a bunch of stuff for myself! Lol! Not to mention sales aids. So I've already put more than $69 into the business. This is why I will feel completely downhearted if I cannot make that goal. As of earlier today I was $170 away, not including the sales that will go in at the end of the week. Those will put me closer to $100 left. $100!!! In a week! Oi. I know I can do it if I can just find the right people to ask to either have a party or buy a few items. I mean, if I could get 5 people to spend $20... done. The problem that I run into is asking. Because it's sales right? Not a charity. Though in reality it is a sort of charity. It's the "Make sure both Charlotte and Maria eat in the off season, because Maria gets really cranky when she's not eating enough" charity. And trust me, I'm probably still not eating enough out of fear of running out of funds somewhere down the line. But that is my hyper-money-conscious, must-plan-way-in-advance self reacting that way. I know it's not all as dire as that. I have already had some very generous offers from family and friends. From the bottom of my heart (and stomach!) I am thankful. And Charlotte doesn't even realize it, but she is thankful too.

Still... I'm selling something. Therefore it's income. And therefore, since it is really benefiting only me and requiring others to spend their hard earned money toward my personal cause, it is extremely difficult to ask. Putting myself out there is not something I do easily, but I am getting better at it. This is my personal challenge to myself and why I am going to stick with this no matter the outcome. I need to do this to further myself personally so I can further myself professionally in any path. Confidence is key. And success is about determination. Not hearing "No" but hearing the hidden requests, the unspoken information, that will get the "Yes".

Sorry babe, but we're not best friends

My boyfriend is rad. But he's not my best friend. And he knows it, cause I've told him so. And he agrees with me.

I regularly see in social and standard media people referring to their partners as their best friends. On both sides. And this is great, for those people. I absolutely, sincerely, love love and people being in love, and if for some of those people that means they as a couple are best friends, I applaud them. But for me, I need an outside source, someone I can "dish" to.

Now, this doesn't mean that my beau and I don't communicate well. This is probably the most honest and open relationship I've had. We can talk about anything, but we don't. There are things I do not share with him because frankly he doesn't care. Nor should he. And I don't need all the intricate details of every interest he has ever had, thankyouverymuch. Yet, the conversations keep rolling. We are constantly learning new things about each other, and it is amazing. We are not afraid to tell each other the silliest things we can think of. We are also not afraid to be upset in front of or with each other. Sometimes we're a little too open. A regular question we both say out loud is "Why am I telling you this?" He's the only person I've ever met that talks more than me, so you can imagine how wordy we are together. But no matter how much we share, he is not my best friend.

My best friends are a couple of ladies and another dude. Why do I consider them best friends and not my boyfriend?? Because in moments of truth, their love is unconditional. Because we can say the hard thing without fear of rejection. Because loneliness isn't a consequence of a misunderstanding. Because sometimes I need to complain about my guy, and he is not the appropriate audience.

I can tell my wonderful, thoughtful, caring, infuriating, perplexing darling anything I choose. And sometimes I choose to spare him because those are the things that best friends are for.

Whirlwinds

The last few days have been difficult. I was in tech all week, which meant little time at home or with my baby. It definitely showed in both instances.

Sunday night, Char Star slept with me, cause I was tired and just wanted to cuddle. She doesn't not stay in one position though, so I am often woken up by little feet or hands jabbing at me. I am okay with this. But it did mean little good sleep.

Monday was a train wreck of a day, with one decent spot toward the end. Both Char and I were tired and cranky. We got into a screaming match at one point because she destroyed the downstairs and I really didn't have time to clean it up. But I did anyway, and instead of taking a short nap when she did, I had to spend all the time taking care of my business and the house. I also didn't get to clean my room at all, which had previous been a priority.

Monday night was my first doTERRA class. It was a moderate success. I had 3 people come, one of whom is on my team, the other two are new to EOs. I think it went very well, especially since we went over time discussing all the different oils and ways to use them. I will be setting up one on one consults with each of the ladies that came, and eventually holding a Medicine Cabinet Makeover with one of them. I will be incredibly happy to get two new enrollments.

After we got home, it took awhile to get Char to sleep and that just put me over the edge. Thankfully for me, but problematic for him, Ed had come over. He helped a bleary, teary, tired, frazzled mama get herself and her house back together. I felt bad that he walked into a terrible situation, but he took it in stride.

Yesterday I felt alot better. My day started well and ended wonderfully when I came home to a surprise. Very clean house!! Ed finished what we started the night before. I immediately texted him thank you. He said it seemed like I needed a break. Yeah, that's an understatement!!!! He even changed the sheets on my bed and folded some of Char's laundry. Geez, sometimes he just really blows me away. It's too bad he wasn't actually here for me to give him a huge hug.

Today begins anew. I'm rested. I have a plan. Hopefully I have time. I have a beautiful baby girl and a thoughtful caring beau. Time to go out and kick this world's ass!!

The home stretch

This has been a rough week. I am tired. Tomorrow night is first preview for The Cocoanuts. I will have to try not to cackle with an audience on the other side of the glass. It is not sound proof.

Today I did something crazy for me. I talked to strangers. A bunch of strangers. We did a Tupperware event called "Embrace the Community" where we went out as a team and just talked to people. We offered them little gifts and had drawing entry forms they could fill out. As one guy pointed out "they're trying to get contacts." Well, yes. Of course. It's network marketing. It's all about contacts. 2 of my people won prizes, so that was cool. And I now have a bunch of people I'll be sending catalogs to. Even if they don't have a party, they were interested in the product. Funnily, most of the people I got were younger. But we all had a great time, and it was awesome to connect with my Tupperware teammates and get to know them better. Doing things like that also helps me come out of my shell a little more, which is the only way either of my ventures are going to work.

Numbers update: Put in a $200 RS order on Friday, which means I am now down to $250 by March 8th. Three weeks!!! I have to get at least two parties squeezed in somewhere, as my average right now is around $100/party. I'm hoping these leads today will help.

Monday is my first doTERRA class. I'm very excited! Though I just realized a bunch of stuff I bought for it might not get here cause it's a holiday. Ugh. Well, I haven't checked the mail today, and it's highly possible it's already here. If not, copy machines exist.


Okay, I"m fading. I really want to say more about the class but my brain is getting fuzzy.