At least now I have a shoulder to cry on... literally

There are many things I love about my darling partner, but one of the biggest is his ability to reality check me gently yet forcefully.

I had a bad day today. Yet another Tupperware party got canceled. This means that EVERY. SINGLE. PARTY. I have independently scheduled has been canceled, postponed, or turned into a book party. All of them. My prospective host said that she would offer the info at her girl's night on Friday, but did not extend an invitation to me. I will see her tomorrow and ask about it, but I also do not want to intrude or turn her already planned night into my shtick. I would love to make the Oreo Mousse though. I have another "Party in a Bag" going out tomorrow for a dear friend of mine who wants to help me, but is reasonably non committal as she is going through some life stuff. I want to make my $175 this week. I wanted to do $600 last week, even though that was ridiculous. I did $29. So. Yeah. Feeling like a failure. And no, I don't care what anyone tells me about blah blah this that you're doing everything right/enough/working hard, or even the opposite don't listen to "standard" marketers blah blah blah. This is failing. It is failing. I am not making any money and I do not know what to do about it. It is me. There is something about me that people do not like. Again, do not tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm party of an organization full of women who are able to make these simple goals. I realize they struggle too sometimes, but for the amount of effort I am putting in, there should be something. I've had one good month, no thanks to me. Thanks to my amazing older sister who did me a supreme solid. But not to me. I barely did anything. And I am breaking down. Shutting down. I can't do this like this anymore. I need a fucking break. I want to stick with it, but I don't know how much longer I can take the defeat. I put so much out there so often, and I get maybe one or two bites at most, but nothing substantial or sustainable. If I can't get parties, I can't get more parties or recruits. So... no income. What is the point? And again, I look at all these ladies around me, and I just don't get what is so wrong with me that I can't make it happen like they do. I must be the most unattractive person on the planet. Oh well.

And that's just Tupperware. doTERRA is different. I know exactly what I'm not doing right there. I don't talk about it enough. But... every time I do, I just feel like a sales person rather than someone who truly wants to help others be well. I just don't know how to put myself out there without coming off as a snake oil pitcher and actually get any customers or team members. Again. It's me. But here I know what it is, and I just have to keep working at it.

I didn't want to have to do unemployment this off season, but it's looking more and more like I will. My family has been incredibly gracious and given me some money upfront. This has been set aside. It is about half of what I need. And how much have I come up with on my own? About 10% of that. So yeah... 4 months- 5%. Fail. Fail fail fail.

We have one more month of WIC, and then... I don't know... Debt I didn't really want to incur, but otherwise I literally won't eat, or well.. I will eat very little. Which I may do anyway to not have to put so much on cards. But under no circumstances will I let Char feel it. She will get whatever she needs, obviously. I just wish I could offer her more than that.

When I related all of this to Ed earlier, he told me I was overreacting and to stop putting myself so far into the future. I guess he is right. But it's hard to see it that way. I'm a planner. I want to know what is happening a month from now. I want to be able to lay out my schedule 2-3 months in advance. That is a huge part of my problem right now. I don't even know what my work schedule for next week is, and it's Sunday. I know I work Tuesday, but I'm not sure when exactly. AND THIS IS KILLING ME. Both from a personal point of view and a business point of view. How can I fill my gaps if I don't know what they are? Though... right now... it doesn't feel like it would matter, because I don't have anyone to even ask to have a party. The upside to doTERRA is I can do a class whenever I feel like and don't have to rely on anyone else. I suppose I could do my own Tupperware party whenever, but it's not the same. There is no real incentive to do that as again, it would be the same people over and over, and that is not sustainable.

I took one of those stupid online tests today about privilege and it deemed me "very privileged". However there were no questions about welfare, or solo parenting, or being lower middle class, which in this country is a sort of pergatory. Make too much to qualify for aid but not enough to live sustainably. Or I guess I should say consistently. And I refuse to "use" or maybe "abuse" the system. We get what we need when we are eligible and that is all. If I could figure out how to get things going we wouldn't need it at all.

I knew that being an only parent would mean finding other sources of income, or ways to make my money stretch farther, I just did not expect it to be quite this hard. Please don't tell me to budget better. You should see the spread sheet I have. It's not a cash flow issue, it's an income issue. Yes those are two different things. With the job I currently have, there is no way to get a second "regular" job. I also don't want to spend anymore time away from my baby than I already do. That is why these opportunities were perfect. And they still are. I just need to find the kink in the hose and straighten it out to get the spicket flowing.

April 11th Sales Special

Hoping to boost this to make my $600 goal by Friday!!!

For Every Order Placed On or Before April 11^th, You Will Be Entered Into a Drawing For:

$25 Tupperware, $50 Tupperware, ½ Off Items, Free Shipping, 10% Off, 25% Off

AND Date A Party This Week, Receive a FREE GIFT and 10% Off!!

Order from Weekly Flyer (see below), Mid March Brochure, or Full Line Catalog (can be seen at my2.tupperware.com/mariachunn, DO NOT order online to enter drawing)

Contact Maria Chunn to Order: 541 621 0772 or mariachunn.ipc@gmail.com